BY Adejoh Idoko Momoh
‘I think I have cancer Aunty’
There would be the longest ten seconds of silence and then I would
continue. ‘It was in the bathroom, I reached for my scrotum and I found a lump’
Like every other Christian I know, my aunt would break into
prayer: tell me of how cancer was not my portion and I probably was just
scared. She would advise I go see a doctor and ask me to update her after I saw
one.
Seven years later I would summon the courage to tell my mother of
this lump, we would go to a clinic and discover it was a hernia. They would say
it was on the right and then as they surgically repaired the one tear, they
would see that it presented on the left as well and recommend that I had a
second surgery.
My mood swung like a pendulum in the days that followed the
diagnosis; at first I felt nothing, then my mother would ask why I did not
trust her with information on the lump when I first found it and I would feel
guilt. In a few hours, I would wonder if the doctors really diagnosed me wrong
and it was cancer, then I would feel some relief it was not. At night, as I lay
to sleep I would sink my face deep in my pillow and cry really loud sobs. In
the morning I would think to surgical procedures and how expensive they can be.
My thoughts would progress to worry induced by illness and then a lack of
finances, then guilt again and some more blame; just the thought that I may
have brought this upon myself.
I would go through all these privately and largely alone. I would
have the support system of family but then I would consider that everybody has
his troubles and I would not bother them. My brother would be at my side all
the time, offering to help and my mother, as though magically putting her life
on hold would constantly cater to me. I have only a handful of friends and at
the time, besides 2 dear friends, they all would be absent. I would wonder why
no one else was there and then I would think this spoke more about me and the
people I chose to surround myself with.
It is a terrible thing to feel alone: It is horrific to keep
family at a distance or hide the fact that you truly hurt from those who are
closest to you. For we all who have at some point experienced illness, it is
important that we get educated, know that we do not bring these things upon
ourselves and discuss them with family, friends, and doctors. Know that if we
only will, there is no illness that is too big to conquer or no situation that
is capable of breaking us beyond what we allow.
Today, I met someone who would become a lifelong friend. He broke
his neck and spine last year in an accident. His lungs collapsed due to an
untreated pneumonia infection and he lost all feeling because of his broken
spine. The doctors told him he might not speak, or walk, or stand for the rest
of his life. Now following a course of therapy, even if his speech is painfully
blurred he talks. Even if his hands are slow and they constantly flail, he has
regained function in them. Even if he does not walk steady, he stands, takes a
few steps then sits again. Stories like these should give us hope; tell us that
whatever life throws at us, if we are so willed we would conquer, succeed and
that we are truly not limited by anything beyond ourselves.
Feel free to share in the comments experiences that keep you
hopeful. If you prefer, leave me a mail (momoh.adejoh@gmail.com) and
I promise to respond to each one.
